Hey Everyone šš» hope youāre well.
A few days ago I turned 30 and during the last month or so Iāve found myself often reflecting on these past ten years, trying to remember events, people and places that made my 20s a very special decade.
Recently Iāve also discovered how writing can be very therapeutic for me, just jotting down thoughts and ideas helps me express myself, although sometimes itās quite difficult to connect them together in a way that makes senseā¦ Anyways! I wanted to share some of those thoughts and ideas with you.Ā
Iām hoping that from the way this article is structured and worded itās clear that this is a self-reflection, IāmĀ notĀ trying to teach anything to anyone, I am just hoping it will spark some great conversations!
I reckon that phrase could truly be the title for my 20s. Quitting my job at 22yo to move to Spain and work on my own startup was the firstĀ domino that initiated a chain reaction of big decisions and even bigger changes in my life.
Trusting your instinct at times can be difficult, especially if you have already experienced not-so-successful attempts, but data does need interpretation, and so even if my adventure in Spain ended way quicker than Iād hoped, I didnāt let that stop me from deciding once again to move abroad, this time to the UK, andĀ going for it.
Iāve been āgoing for itā ever since, rolling the dice as they say,Ā not totally sure about what I was doing to be honest. I was taking risks without even realising it, until I did, and then I had to experience the weight of responsibilities that comes with certain decisions, but also how these experiences are necessary to learn and grow no matter how difficult and challenging it may turn out to be.
I’ve read this a while ago somewhere and I think it sums up this learning pretty well
not taking risks is a risk in itself.
Moving away from my home country meant not being able to see and keep in touch with friends and family as often as I would have liked – and whilst Iāve been fortunate enough to meet people here in the UK that I can now call family, it has been a real journey to understand how to manage friendships and relationships, both with my people in Italy and here.
Friendships and relationships of all sorts are very much unique (duh!), but itās hard to appreciate that uniqueness unless you learn to empathise with whatever next is coming from those people you care about, and experience how differently we all approach life and events.
I used to expect the same type of interactions and exchanges with all my friends, but now Iāve started to understand how deeply different we can be in the way we show love and affection to one another, and how acceptance plays a fundamental role in maintaining relationships.
During the past 10 years Iāve found some amazing people, some others Iāve lost contact with, and some Iāve found again after not talking for a long time – all this to say, Iāve learned toĀ accept friendships and relationships as they are, unique and at times complicated.
There must be a reason why they describe the 20s (and early 30s) as theĀ Odyssey YearsĀ – Iāve touched on this briefly above, but so far for the most part I’ve had little to no plan of action, and what I mean by that is that my main priorities have been learning and experiencing things as they came. A learn-as-you-go kind of mentality has helped me make choices that have kept me staying true to my values at the time.
Finding mentorsĀ has been of huge help. Iāve been super lucky to be able to meet true role models as I was joining different companies and roles, moving to different cities and travelling. From managers to peers, my mentors have helped me figure out how certain things work by reflecting on their own experiences and interpretation of events, and whenever guidance was offered Iāve always tried to return the favour by sharing my own experience and story.
Talking about career paths and life choices Dr. Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K) fromĀ healthygamer.ggĀ brought up this analogy in a recent livestream which stuck with me: āBoard the train! Everybody is telling you to board the train but thereās no train tracks anymoreā¦ What we need today is ATVs […] The world used to be railroads and train tracks and now itās all ATVs baby!ā
The previous 3 points might have painted a rather chaotic picture of my 20s, and that would be quite accurate to be honestā¦ but thatās me! And thatās something Iāve had to come to terms with while Iāve been experiencing different work cultures and people entering my life, living in a country significantly different to the one I grew up in (Italy).
As I went through my 20s I kept seeking learnings and directions, and was met with great teachings that helped me a lot, but Iāve reached a point where I had toĀ start doing the things that felt right to me, understand what worked for me and how I wanted to present myself to the world, creating my own ābrandā. What I mean by that in a practical way is that Iāve started carrying myself as who I am and what I want to be known for rather than who I should be to seem proper, professional, or desirable. Maybe Iāve always done that, but Iām more aware of it now and thereās an intention to it.
A top priority for me in the past few years has also been learning to take care of myself. This hasĀ taken a more significant role in the most recent 3 years as Iāve tried to tie together 3 areas I want to always be mindful about:Ā Sleep, Eat and Exercise.
Those three set the foundation for my wellbeing, and whilst I sometimes struggle to keep the balance, I constantly remind myself those are necessary.
Finally, learning to be me took some help, we all need that. The help I got, and Iām still getting, is from the fantastic people around me, and along with them my therapist/coach who is a key figure in helping me stay present and reflect on whatās going on in my life – if youāre going through tough times, remember youāre not alone.
I can think of a few events that have occurred during the past decade which made me go: Ok now what? Each time it was for different reasons, but they all led me to the same conclusion in oneway or another, which is;Ā got to move forward!
Iām a very impatient being, and during all those moments Iāve consistently been reminded that patience is a virtue, and nurturing that virtue can help you dig into your resilience.Ā
Another key part for me has been learning to manage emotions.I often describe myself as a ball of emotions to my friends, so Iām still far from mastering and controlling them when necessary, but Iāve learned to be more aware of that side of myself, observing my thoughts during those emotionally charged moments and letting those emotions bubble up and go.
As important as moving forward is though, Iāve also had to learn to find ways to not think aboutĀ the past and the future as much – living in the now is what matters, but thatās probably the most āeasier said than doneā thing ever!Ā Practising being present via meditation is a skill that is very hard to acquire and I hope Iāll be able to do it one day.
āDetaching your expectations of your life from outcomes is a lifelong process.ā –Ā Justin Kan
As a closing note, there are maybe a few more things Iāve learned (and unlearned!) during my 20s, but I’d hope some of these do resonate with you, and if so then please feel free to leave a comment or send me a DM – Hereās to the next decade of learnings!Ā
Take care and be nice š
